Self Proclaimed Disintegration //

I was supposed to post something about food or something like that but the fucking PC keeps hanging and i lost my mood to post it and write shit about it. Anyways, right now, gossip girl's second season is on the tube, my sister bought a DVD of it, and it's been playing since 1pm up until now. Silly, silly depressing episodes of rich high school spoiled brats, tangled up in their own love affairs and shit but there was this episode that just got done playing, and i don't know why, it just made me really really really really times infinity sad and nostalgic.

Nostalgic because I remembered how I was 6 years ago. I was at every scene, from partying with them elites at them clubs drinking mixed vodkas from 10pm up until they can't serve anymore, to drinking shots of cheap alcohol by the curb of a bar after the gig's done and everyone else is going home or crying drunk or is vomiting somewhere, to skateboarding with the go crew and party afterwards until the sun rises, to running with them people smoking sniffing and dropping, to hanging out with rock stars for days doing the same thing over and over again, to hanging out with them scene kids fighting over who has the coolest hair color or the dopest pair of sneakers to who has the most number of friendster views and comments on their primary photo, whatever else you can think of. I was known in the scene and I liked the attention. I had alot of friends, some of them still keep in touch until now but most of them faded away, got lost with the scene. I used to like that kind of life, not knowing what will happen next, just living for the day, not worrying about the next day or the next or the day after that. I was just happy, with the scene, the routines, the people, the drinks and the company. I thought it was gonna last forever, I thought it was my kind of life.

Unfortunately, it's not a kind of life. It's just a phase, that everyone, at some point, goes through.

Sad because after a while, you get tired of it. All of it. The scene, the routines, the people, the drinks, the company.

Those who thought they lost themselves but really just wanted to experience something new, then comes back to how they really used to be. It's just a period of time, maybe a day, a week, a month, a year, or years. Whatever. It's still gonna end. It will end when you realize that nothings happening. Nothing productive is happening to your life. If you get to realize these stuff, then congratulations, you are still normal.

Some parts of the episode just kicked me so hard inside, suddenly remembering that life is not like that. That it's not a life, it's an escape. Reality is hard, life is. It's supposed to be. We fall. We get up. Why, you ask. To teach us a lesson. Everyday is a constant struggle for survival. It's up to you now. How do you deal with your problems, what you do with the time you have left, whom to spend it with, making the right decisions and not just think about yourself, but others as well.\\

***

Now playing: Times like these - Foo Fighters

it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again
it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again
I am a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky
to hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
do I stay or run away
and leave it all behind?

***

It's 10:40PM right now, and in just a few hours, it's a new day again. If you're still doing the shitty things you're doing, stop. Take it from me, regrets hurt more than anything else in the world. I did have regrets, but I let them all go and just forget all of them, coz what I did in the past, led me to the life I had now. I have my son, who motivates me more than anyone ever did. I have a wonderful family, that despite of all the shitty things that are happening to us now, we're still a family. I am surrounded with the people I love and love me back, people who care for me that despite of all the things I've done in the past, no matter how bad, they are still there for me. I live for them now. What I am now, I will try to better myself tomorrow. Even tho I haven't achieved anything for them to be proud of me, I will still do my best, I wont give up no matter what the circumstances are.

Life doesn't wait for anything or anyone. It doesn't give a shit who you are, how rich, or poor. It goes on. So whatever you have to do, do it now, don't be negative, stop putting yourself down, but instead, push yourself. To do better, to be the best of whatever it is you do. Do not ever tell yourself you can't do it, or you can't have it. Find a way. It wont come running to you , if you want it so bad, you gotta go get it. Whatever you want to say, say it. Whatever you feel, express it. Life's too short to just sit down and think about the what ifs and the might Be's. Never take for granted the things and people you have in your life right now, but instead be thankful. To God, your family, and to everyone who loves and cares for you, they won't be around forever.

Don't just exist.
Live.